Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Do you want to hear about my plane?. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The Blonde Fighter Pilot The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? 18. Military jokes! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Did you hear about the big accident on base? When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. The tenant shook her head. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Return to Humor Index. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? They all originally set out to become Marines. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 13. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Aviation JOKES. ! Halt! shouted our drill instructor. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . "They're all mine. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Me: Hello? These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. We have one or two in here! One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. I was very nervous, she said. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. It took the poor guy all day. She also liked her scotch. Decodes 7. Speed is life. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Thats Daddy. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Later, I spoke with Mom. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. So I quit ordering it.. Pizza de Resistance On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Reply: No, I say again. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. 3. Baltimore, said Dad. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Fish Food. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Rodrigues there? Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Anecdotes 2. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Military 3. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. 2. Because the Army needed heroes too. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. He nodded. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? 32. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. What did you do? U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Bad altitude. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Aviation Humor. This site contains affiliate links. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Why Do We Celebrate It? I was the tallest guy in line. 34. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. (Hang up. 36. 28. Then came Dads ships turn. He then made his way to my side. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet.