. MATILDA picks up various bottles from the vanity and reads from their labels. What's wrong with the telly? In . Well, I needed to learn to read words so that I could read sentences. [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] See, I know your headmistress. I think he blinked. Put your light on. Trunchbull: Sorry, Miss Trunchbull. I think I'm gonna keep this on. Dad said I'd learn the alphabet! MRS WORMWOOD My name is Miss Honey. % BRUCE 5. Cake. The dumber the act, the bigger the confession. And another door closes. "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! Oh Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] Look at this. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. . [She pauses and realizes what she has done, and slowly lowers her hands.] Matilda: . MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST NIGEL If you don't, I will get you. Is a miracle! What? Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto. Once upon a time, the two greatest circus performers in the world an escapologist who could escape from any lock that was ever invented, and an acrobat who was so skilled it seemed as if she could actually fly fell in love, and got married. You're the spitting image. Like you, I was (Q) curious, And so, the great day arrived! MATILDA MRS PHELPS Get the hell outta here! I have a nice house, a wonderful husband and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. Zinnia Wormwood: He'd call me bumblebee. And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV! BIG KID [TAYLOR] Green hair? They sits and unpack their bags. MATILDA A boy with no fingie? Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. BIG KID [TAMIKA] MR WORMWOOD What is this trash you're reading? BIG KID [BEN] The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. [off to the side] Yourself, Matilda? A large iron gate made of square holes of various sizes rolls in from both sides of the stage. to the rules. it isn't fair! MISS TRUNCHBULL Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, And Even if you put in heaps of eFfort, Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. Before my happy days were Over, I mean . A life. We can have our cake and eat it , Ah-ah-aah-ah It's sweet and romantic, and it's doubtful she'll be able to resist your charm. "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." [her car has broken down] No excuse, Bruce. My mommy thinks they're sweet. Nicholas Nickleby . ACT 1. No, it's fine. . The initial impression you make is memorable, so make it count. RUDOLPHO Useless, flamin' car! Jenny: You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came, . A little less fact, a lot more feel. The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. MRS WORMWOOD And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? I'm never wrong! The subsequent fall was inevitable. But I'm a barrelina How dare they speak to me like that! I can see Harry Wormwood: Do you think I altered my intended elevation? DOCTOR Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? Young lady, where were you? He's my dance partner. [to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts] I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . And so you think you're A-ble She sat down, and when she got up . Harry Wormwood: See! You can adopt me. Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady? Matilda is a very intelligent and determined young girl appearing in the Roald Dahl children's book of the same name. Mrs. D? . front bottom. Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? MISS TRUNCHBULL Oh, yes. They embrace and exit out the back of the stage. MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! I don't know what you're talking about. We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] MATILDA Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y! The room freezes as MISS TRUNCHBULL starts to write the word "GUILTY" on the board. Stood! Others take a less emotional approach. No! MISS TRUNCHBULL AMANDA stands up and screams in triumph. My school is a model of discipline! MISS TRUNCHBULL MRS WORMWOOD [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] Agatha Trunchbull: RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. Jenny: This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! And so you think you're able And if it's not right, MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] She says they make me look pretty! She's going to be your teacher. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Oops! I will not say anymore! You chose books. Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! DOCTOR This miracle . I'm the best! To hammer throwing, life, and school A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. Harry Wormwood: Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. Matilda centers on Matilda, a young genius with telekinesis powers. Cancelled, because my wife is . BIG KID [BEN] Harry Wormwood: AAAAAAAHHHH! I stole the cake. Is like the TARDIS: Students: Don't put honey on your brother. Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five knackered old bangers as brand-new luxury cars. It occurred to her that such talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb such people might *only* exist in story books. Absolute silence. Look! Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. . And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! National Green Hair Day! MATILDA . google_color_text="5F6A72"; He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." . Agatha Trunchbull: Are you going to tell me a story or not? Innocent victims of their story. Calculate this! Zinnia Wormwood: You what? Lights up. Upon the blackboard is written the alphabet. Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? All right! Would rob them of their hope of living happily. There's, erm . . MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard. [picks up two bowls of cereal] My mummy says I'm a miracle, "Right"? Well, you got a light. Look. . Don't be disgusting! MR WORMWOOD We never thought it was possible, MISS HONEY [speaking to Matilda about her and her father] "AMANDA" drops from the rafters above the audience into a pile of coats underneath her. What do you want a book for? PARTY ENTERTAINER I shall pound you. Harry Wormwood: One day when I'm older, Check it if you don't believe me. The end is happier. Matilda: Stuff it in. //-->. Are you ready to get STICKY with MICKEY? MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD brandishes. Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. . MRS WORMWOOD . Oh, my head! Am I wrong? . MISS TRUNCHBULL How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? My daddy says I'm a bore. And that's not right! 1. The boy's a looney. MATILDA And . Like you, I was curious, This living 'ell. ], MISS HONEY MRS PHELPS Miss Honey: Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids, reciting the words as Matilda magically writes them on the blackboard, to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts, He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is, to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers, speaking to Matilda about her and her father, accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water, Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it, Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull, snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover, appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob, after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers, Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to, she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up, she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely, she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her, Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart, throws carrot from the spoon. If I let this little girl fall? Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Two, three, four. You chose books - I chose looks. What have I told you about wearing pigtails? MR WORMWOOD But learning a language is over the top . . Shut up! A fool? The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. Past Matilda. The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. I've got a plane to catch at three. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS line up again. Oh, Matilda! I think she might be an idiot. Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. MRS WORMWOOD DOCTOR Agatha, This is Magnus. When lights come up again, AMANDA is gone. MISS TRUNCHBULL Jenny : Quite the contrary. Get on with it. [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] Mum, would you like to hear a story? [bends down] When I grow up . MATILDA, LAVENDER, and NIGEL raise their hands. MISS HONEY exits off the front of the stage. "It is our destiny ". You seem to think that people like people what are clever. Loud, loud, loud, loud! The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. It was the worst of times. Matilda? . You see, he fell asleep, and we put him under the coats for safety. Now, here's a tip: Three judges hold up signs reading "10" as MRS WORMWOOD sits on the table. . MR WORMWOOD Four judges in outrageous costumes sit behind it. What are you looking at? Amanda Thripp: . Her mind is incredible. [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] Matilda: And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? My word is my law! We give the Whisper Challenge a shot with a little spin on it. Oh, it's nothing like that. It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL laughs suddenly, then falls back into his normal dull expression. Agatha Trunchbull: That lady? This child doesn't have a "thingie" . I don't know. If you sit around and let them get on top, you Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! What was my profit for the day? AAAHH! I sold it for $1,158. RUDOLPHO MRS PHELPS They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in! . Now, get out of here, you little stink worm! My mummy says I'm a miracle. BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. Cause I had to slow down to take a second look at you. Bye, Mrs Phelps! They never stood a chance. MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL down sit in armchairs. Your hair! You have got to be Two times . [walking out of the room excitedly] Don't let her win. Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots, do you? Bruce 'Little Brucey: MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST No kid likes being yelled at, but it was precisely Harry's ranting and raving that gave Matilda the key to her power. pregnant! I told you I was supposed to start school in September. CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. Don't be pathetic! MATILDA [She takes MATILDA by the wrist and leads her to ERIC's desk.] MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. It's your fault. Ha, ha, ha, ha Harry Wormwood: Harry Wormwood: Yes! You've not got the spine. Don't hide it under a bushel. COUPLE 2 But it's a truth empirical. Every new life A person. My mummy says I'm a miracle, Glad I never was one. The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. Well, take another! The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been . Who wants stories? Lost your appetite? Creep on back to that library of yours or something. Yes. If you sit around and let them get on top, you She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. Stop. Okay, my boy, heir to the throne, today we diddle the customer. The guy with the stupid haircut! . Bruce! But this little girl . Why don't you run away? . He got a C on his report! Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine. He should have thought of that before he made a pact with Satan and decided to steal my cake! Goofs MISS TRUNCHBULL Here. So innocent I (R) asked a thousand questions, Matilda lies down and flicks off the light. [to Michael] Hmm. . LOUD! And always keep your feet inside the line! Matilda Wormwood is an exception . How does that sound? Agatha Trunchbull: In other words, a pick-up line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener. See how they shine? What did you think? So he invited the mother's stepsister to come and live with him. Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake. When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . MISS HONEY is left in a pile stage right. It's going to be brilliant! What've you done with his fingie? 2. You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. NIGEL lies down on the ground. "Patience, my love," the husband replied. I've got a whole house to look after! CHILDREN and BIG KIDS appear in the boxes to the upper left and upper right of the stage and sing. BRUCE One should avoid confrontation when possible. To read? Funny Tinder pickup lines. Did you hear what he said? Kim . [Talking about the cake] They took one look at the mileage on the first car and they said that these cars were all knackered. He dances with the hospital bed that MRS WORMWOOD is lying on. Matilda: BRUCE turns back around and the scene unfreezes. MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him off the front of the stage. Knock on the door, Jenny. Pathetic, little me. MR WORMWOOD A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. Rudolpho! I'm great! Flashbulbs go off. 1. That didn't happen. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey? Harry Wormwood: And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? 3 0 obj How sweet. Agatha Trunchbull: Even if you're little, you can do a lot. Agatha Trunchbull: What's wrong with you? Well, Matilda Wormwood. Bambinatum! CHILDREN 1 The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha Jenny: Dad too. Let out your belt. MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book. She then sniffs her way across the room, following the former path of the spotlight. Where are the children's books? What am I? Oh yeah, huh, well, uh Agatha Trunchbull: MR WORMWOOD Who would be here to sign for the packages? MISS HONEY exits behind the stacks as the library scene rolls in. It is flanked by AMANDA and ERIC in lab coats over their costumes. Dad says I should watch more TV. This boy's got no fingie. Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Mr. Wormwood: Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think Agatha Trunchbull: . Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. What? A curtain is wheeled in with the words "5 YEARS AGO" painted on it. The Invisible Man . Look what you've done, you stupid woman. BIG KID [RYAN] AMANDA and ERIC She starts the video screens playing again. And the 4th cost $1,100. Good morning, children! Nothing will change. [He laughs then peters out.] She holds the hat out to him. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. We don't want to burst a blood vessel on your first day. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! The Wormwoods laugh. CHILDREN Bruce! WOMAN: She's just delightful. LAVENDER Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. MISS HONEY MATILDA My father's portrait used to hang there. . Oh, my lovely hair! You wouldn't listen. MR WORMWOOD Crush that little weasel! 'Pfffft,' you think, 'what's so grand about some silly math pick-up line?' I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. MATILDA enters from her bedroom. Like Romeo and Juliet, NIGEL I'm not hinting, but if you did happen to have a story you wanted . Miss Honey: <>/ExtGState<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> Agatha Trunchbull: The curtain is wheeled away to reveal MRS WORMWOOD. All grown-ups get scared, just like children. I'd love to read to you some time. Then your mummy is a twit! [He slides down on his thighs stage left.]. [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] My daddy says I would be the teacher's pet! This it not your problem. FBI Agent Bob: ], CHILDREN It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. Miss Honey: Last week, I read quite a few. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. PICK UP LINES! [yells] I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! I like a joke as well as the next fat person! Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. "Bambinatum est magitum." MISS HONEY But that's not fair! BRUCE turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. You liked my cake, didn't you, Bruce? I didn't do it. Don't be pathetic! | Share this Matilda : I love it here! in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. And yet every single life, And that's not right. google_ad_client="pub-0578131977065548"; MISS HONEY Matilda, that . [TV Version] RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. Have a marshmallow. You slithered like a serpent into the school kitchen and ate MY PERSONAL SNACK! 5. What a pleasure to see you. Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! For this newt, you piss-worm! I don't want another one. Matilda is a American fantasy comedy film co-produced and directed by Danny DeVito, from a screenplay written by Nicholas Kazan and Robin Swicord. MISS HONEY The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. And I'm very sorry . DOCTOR and CHILDREN You show the little brat! DOCTOR [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] They then saunter off. He'll probably think he's in bed when he wakes up. . You can read words. You'll be surprised at how well it works. And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! off to prison you both shall go!". [realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt], [Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house]. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. Lord knows we've tried. . MISS HONEY Tess of the D'urbervilles . Ah-ah-aah-ah I'm telling you, I didn't do it! 2022 | Maturity Rating: PG | 1h 56m | Kids & Family Movies.