It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping. Persistent difficulty in communicating with, and relating to, other people. Acceptance of the diagnosis can be an important stage in the development of successful adult intimate relationships. Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Autism Spectrum Disorder psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. Some people receive a diagnosis of Aspergers with discouragement and disapproval, believing they necessarily will be severely limited in how they can lead their lives. Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder And the Cassandra Phenomena Are there solutions to the dilemma of Autism that allow two people to find the happiness and fulfillment they seek? These behaviors, to repeat the same action over and over, are similar to the repetitive routines associated with Aspergers. April 9, 2008 in Asperger's, psychology, Thoughts and Books, . Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. Stigmatizing and disapproval, based on the knowledge that a person has Aspergers is still prevalent in our society. Specialties: Stress, Anxiety, Addictions, Self esteem, Career difficulties, Compassion fatigue, Relationship issues, Family conflicts, Trauma and abuse, Grief, Intimacy-related issues, Eating disorders, Sleeping disorders, Anger management, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Coping with life changes, ADHD I am a Licensed Clinical Therapist in Florida with over 5 years of experience working as a . I have worked with over 2,000 couples for 25 years. It can support the idea that the person has genuine difficulties arising from a real, legitimate condition. They dont have the strong preference for logical patterns in things and people, an inability to read facial expressions or blindness to what is going on in other peoples minds that characterizes Aspergers. One wife described her husband as follows: Hes incapable of seeing another persons point of view. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. Blaming you. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. An individual with AS has challenges understanding or predicting the consequences of his/her behavior on others. Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. However, the individual with NT is going to have to understand that it will feel to them that they are the party making more accomodations. OTRS/CP shares features with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but it differs in that the stress and deprivation are on-going and the abuse occurs in the context of a familial/intimate relationship as opposed to external forces. They have little interest in their usual activities, have little appetite, sleep more than usual, are slowed down, have difficulty concentrating and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Asperger's is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Celebrate the diversity and the differences. Most require the respondent to indicate whether he or she agrees with a statement related to Aspergers. It is difficult for me to understand how other people are feeling when we are talking. How can you find out if you have Autism Spectrum Disorder? Reality sinks in once the emotional high wears off, and if there. A Hard Truth. It can eliminate the worry that a person is severely mentally ill. Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. Maxine Ashton describes the symptons as: Low self esteem. There can be a new sense of personal validation and optimism, of not being defective, weird or crazy. (I think he's graduated by now). Wow, this rings a lot of bells. It is hard to make a neurotypical-Aspergian (NT-AS) relationship work. ed. They occur over a prolonged period as a result of violations and disregard of the spouse / partner who has Asperger's syndrome / ASD. Does Your Man Have Aspergers? - ADD & ADHD Holistic Treatment Both partners must make a serious commitment to making the marriage work. No one else does. Love and commitment to the relationship are necessary for a successful marriage but they are not enough. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. Signs of these characteristics as early as 12-24 months of age, although the difficulties with social communication and relationships typically become apparent later in childhood. In this case, it is more accurate to say the person has co-existing conditions rather than it being a straightforward matter of Aspergers. A person with ASD may desire to be in a relationship but it is not the same priority it is for others. Life Changes Counselors in Port orchard, WA 98366 The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. These questions help me assess whether the persons attitudes towards life, conduct in relationships, and general success in achieving life goals reveal any of the characteristics that typically are found in people with Aspergers. Whether it is one spouse or both who have Autism Spectrum Disorder, is it crucial to accept as legitimate the concerns expressed by the other spouse. Why go through with it if there is no good reason to assume there might be some likelihood of finding the behaviors and signs of Aspergers? With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. A noticeable characteristic of someone with SPD is their difficulty expressing anger, even when they are directly provoked. Symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome may include: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods Decreased interest in sex and physical contact Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake Disturbed sleep and early morning wakening Domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical) Extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity) Fatigue Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. Very. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. Nevertheless, attitudes like this can arise when a diagnosis of Aspergers is made public. The dominate fear associated with social situations is of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. Belittling your accomplishments 4. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. They dont gain a great deal of happiness from getting close to people. First, I highly recommend joining WrongPlanet, the free online community started by a young college student, Alex Plank. They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. Aston, M (2012). Asperger's syndrome is a complex developmental disorder in which the normal (NT) spouse's situation is difficult to grasp for others. archiveofourown.org While this may strike some as similar to Aspergers people with SPD can interact with others normally, if they want to, and can get along with people. To do that, an experienced professional needs investigate two things: the persons medical, developmental, social, family and academic history; and how the person responds to a face-to-face assessment of social reasoning, communication of emotions, language abilities, focused interests, and non-verbal social interaction. Poor nonverbal communication, which translates into poor eye contact, unusual body language, inappropriate gestures and facial expressions. Can adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder change? They do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding and use of language. I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else. Syndrome/Cassandra Phenomenon aka OTRS/CP. Maxine Aston, author of Aspergers in Love, has created this workbook to help couples where one of the partners has Asperger Syndrome deal with the difficulties that may arise in their relationship. Little or too much detail is included in conversation, and there is difficulty in recognizing when the listener is interested or bored. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) disregard and violate the rights of others. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. Researcher Maxine Aston has described a bookend disorder to Alexithymia, which is the consequence of living with an emotionally stunted partner. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. Their lives seem directionless and they appear to drift along in life. I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The burden on NT spouses and children, OTRS | Asperger Partner This defensiveness may turn into verbal abuse (and sometimes physical abuse) because he needs to control the communication to suit his view of the world. The problem with this is that several other conditions share many of the same symptoms with Aspergers. Adults with ADHD tend to express their feelings directly and fairly clearly whereas adults with Aspergers do not show a wide range of emotions. Asperger's Syndrome and marriage - Uncovering Intimacy These usually arent temporary, unfortunately, but they can change with proper care and attention. Spouses with Asperger's can initially meet a need within the relationships and these traits can often be seen as attractive. There are multiple topic areas, including in depth discussions for adults with Aspergers, dating, and social skills, but one thread I particularly appreciate is what's called the AS-NT Open Hotline. The results might suggest that it makes sense to investigate further if enough criteria are present to indicate a diagnosis of Aspergers. What men with asperger syndrome want to know about women, dating and relationships. With the right understanding, a shift in expectations, the desire to change, and support from others, success is possible. The second meeting focuses on the persons background, particularly information about the persons early family life; previous school experiences; past friendships, employment and intimate relationships; childhood emotional development and functioning, and significant interests throughout the persons life. Cassandra Syndrome My husband has Asperger Syndrome ( AS), making us a Neurodiverse Couple. An acceptable explanation to other people about the persons behavior is now available leading to the possibility of reconciliation with people who have had problems with the persons behavior. My ASD Child: Living with an Aspergers Spouse The bottom line is that Aspergers is a descriptive diagnosis. She has a remarkable memory, is able to converse in detail about a wide range of subjects, is outgoing and adventurous, and has a quirky but engaging sense of humor. In other words, you . I am different. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. I am a good and interesting person. I will take pride in myself. I am capable of getting along with society. I will ask for help when I need it. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. I am never going to give up on myself. I will accept myself for who I am. Currently there are nine screening questionnaires that are used to identify adults who may have Aspergers. What Is Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS)? - Psych Central Couples Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples (Asperger's) - HarryMotro Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. On the other hand, in combination with other signs of Aspergers, not noticing how people respond in conversations, could be a significant confirmation of an Aspergers diagnosis. Cassandra Syndrome Many of these women have been purported to suffer from "Cassandra Syndrome," a term coined by psychologist Tony Atwood to refer to women who suspect their partners have Asperger's syndrome, but are disbelieved, thus suffering immense psychological and emotional distress in their search for help. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. Cassandra Syndrome has emerged as the term used to describe the psychological and emotional distress experienced by a neurotypical woman married to a neurodiverse man. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. Individuals with Aspergers have trouble understanding how people operate but they do respect others, whereas people with APD have no regard for people. The answer lies in how much these characteristics affect the persons social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. Asperger's syndrome (sometimes called high-functioning autism) is part of a wide diagnosis called autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Asperger Marriage - LinkedIn Often people answer these questions based on what they know about Aspergers, theyve read or been told about it, or what they imagine it is, and what they are indicating in their answers is not a accurate reflection of the characteristics they actually have. A recent, as yet unpublished, piece of research at Cambridge University puts the figure at 1 in 58*. Cassandra Phenomenon: The Dangers of Marrying a Partner with - Audible